(*DISCLAIMER*: This is not meant to offend anyone who does any of the things listed below. It is merely an impersonal now-versus-then reflection. Don't kill me, please!)
I sometimes -- no, often -- contemplate the difficulty of waiting for things. How much more open people are with each other, since technology has made this possible. How tough it is to resist immediate gratification. What effect this mentality has had on certain rites of passage in our lives.
When I was little, I sometimes saw women who were expecting children, and there was an aura of mystery about the whole thing. They didn't talk much about being pregnant or what they intended for the future; they merely discussed whatever was going on at that moment. In the months to follow, I would hear that they'd just had a baby boy or girl, and what name they had selected. It was exciting. There'd been a sort of suspense leading up to it.
These days, you hear people's casual statements that they're trying to get pregnant (sometimes with details on the conception attempts). The next month, she tells everyone she is having symptoms and is going to take such-and-such pregnancy test. Then, voila, it's confirmed: they've succeeded! (Sometimes people take photos of the pregnancy test result itself and send them out in mass e-mails.) Oh, and the due date. . . everybody has to know the due date. Well, that's nothing new.
A few months after that, they announce whether it's a boy or girl, and therefore what its full name will be. OK. . . now, people know what the nursery will look like and what color gifts to buy. Oh, and what baby name to put on the gifts.
A couple of months after that, they obtain (and often distribute) crystal-clear ultrasound pictures that show every line, every speck of hair, every aspect of the baby's face before it is born. Also, pregnancy portraits. Sometimes with, um, minimal clothing involved. (choke, cough--DemiMoore--cough)
A couple of months after that, the induction or C-section date and time are determined, if applicable. Always must take the doctor's vacation schedule into account. At about this time, a baby shower is held where every present is straight from the registry. (Sometimes three or four baby showers, maybe to compete with the two bridal showers and pre-engagement party and actual-engagement party and bachelor/bachelorette parties that are thrown whenever someone is getting married.)
While the labor is going on, cell phones, text messages, and/or the Internet are used to provide minute-by-minute progress updates to everyone, so that people can roughly guess what time the baby will arrive. The baby makes its debut at approximately that hour, and there are no surprises really. It's all been planned. There have been about half a dozen "layers of congratulations," as I call them, throughout the last nine months. The only information remaining to tell people is exactly how much the baby weighs, and I'm pretty sure THAT can be estimated during prenatal appointments, too.
I'm not necessarily saying this is wrong. I've just been thinking about my (now-obviously-outdated) expectations while I grew up, and how they differ from today's reality -- today's tendency to publicize, to advertise. How rare it is for people to delay those revelations by saying to the doctor, "I don't want to know what sex the baby is." I always thought I would want to wait the whole nine months and just privately wonder, speculate, daydream, let time naturally fill in the missing answers instead of hurrying to fill them in, myself. But we've turned into such an impatient, data-starved society, and I've fallen prey to that, too. We want to know everything right away. We can't wait to hear the latest news development, to map out our day so that it will unfold most conveniently and efficiently.
I read an article lately about how our cars have become not just vehicles anymore, but offices, kitchens, dressing rooms, media/entertainment centers. People work, eat, put on makeup, watch TV, talk on the phone, send out e-mails, hold their pets, probably even practice the guitar while they drive. Reproduction is mirroring the same mindset. People used to meet their babies and discover everything about them on the day they were born, because they didn't have an alternative. Now, they can hit all these landmarks during the pregnancy itself. And given the choice, they frequently do.
I don't know what approach I'm going to take, when/if that day ever comes. I can make all the predictions and decisions I want. Still, I suppose there's no way to know for sure what will happen until I'm in those shoes myself.
I sometimes -- no, often -- contemplate the difficulty of waiting for things. How much more open people are with each other, since technology has made this possible. How tough it is to resist immediate gratification. What effect this mentality has had on certain rites of passage in our lives.
When I was little, I sometimes saw women who were expecting children, and there was an aura of mystery about the whole thing. They didn't talk much about being pregnant or what they intended for the future; they merely discussed whatever was going on at that moment. In the months to follow, I would hear that they'd just had a baby boy or girl, and what name they had selected. It was exciting. There'd been a sort of suspense leading up to it.
These days, you hear people's casual statements that they're trying to get pregnant (sometimes with details on the conception attempts). The next month, she tells everyone she is having symptoms and is going to take such-and-such pregnancy test. Then, voila, it's confirmed: they've succeeded! (Sometimes people take photos of the pregnancy test result itself and send them out in mass e-mails.) Oh, and the due date. . . everybody has to know the due date. Well, that's nothing new.
A few months after that, they announce whether it's a boy or girl, and therefore what its full name will be. OK. . . now, people know what the nursery will look like and what color gifts to buy. Oh, and what baby name to put on the gifts.
A couple of months after that, they obtain (and often distribute) crystal-clear ultrasound pictures that show every line, every speck of hair, every aspect of the baby's face before it is born. Also, pregnancy portraits. Sometimes with, um, minimal clothing involved. (choke, cough--DemiMoore--cough)
A couple of months after that, the induction or C-section date and time are determined, if applicable. Always must take the doctor's vacation schedule into account. At about this time, a baby shower is held where every present is straight from the registry. (Sometimes three or four baby showers, maybe to compete with the two bridal showers and pre-engagement party and actual-engagement party and bachelor/bachelorette parties that are thrown whenever someone is getting married.)
While the labor is going on, cell phones, text messages, and/or the Internet are used to provide minute-by-minute progress updates to everyone, so that people can roughly guess what time the baby will arrive. The baby makes its debut at approximately that hour, and there are no surprises really. It's all been planned. There have been about half a dozen "layers of congratulations," as I call them, throughout the last nine months. The only information remaining to tell people is exactly how much the baby weighs, and I'm pretty sure THAT can be estimated during prenatal appointments, too.
I'm not necessarily saying this is wrong. I've just been thinking about my (now-obviously-outdated) expectations while I grew up, and how they differ from today's reality -- today's tendency to publicize, to advertise. How rare it is for people to delay those revelations by saying to the doctor, "I don't want to know what sex the baby is." I always thought I would want to wait the whole nine months and just privately wonder, speculate, daydream, let time naturally fill in the missing answers instead of hurrying to fill them in, myself. But we've turned into such an impatient, data-starved society, and I've fallen prey to that, too. We want to know everything right away. We can't wait to hear the latest news development, to map out our day so that it will unfold most conveniently and efficiently.
I read an article lately about how our cars have become not just vehicles anymore, but offices, kitchens, dressing rooms, media/entertainment centers. People work, eat, put on makeup, watch TV, talk on the phone, send out e-mails, hold their pets, probably even practice the guitar while they drive. Reproduction is mirroring the same mindset. People used to meet their babies and discover everything about them on the day they were born, because they didn't have an alternative. Now, they can hit all these landmarks during the pregnancy itself. And given the choice, they frequently do.
I don't know what approach I'm going to take, when/if that day ever comes. I can make all the predictions and decisions I want. Still, I suppose there's no way to know for sure what will happen until I'm in those shoes myself.
19 comments:
I hate when new parents put pictures of their ugly babies or ultrasound pictures as their profile picture on facebook. Its like saying nothing of my original personality exists anymore... which is probably true.
I just hope I don't have to see videos of the childbirth. Or the conception.
If Paris Hilton ever has a child you can be sure that the conception will be on video... and all the practice attempts... and even when she was doing it wrong.
Just an addendum: I don't want to see videos of the baby's first diaper change, either.
Just wait until they invent smell-o-vision. Then you _really_ don't want to see the first diaper change.
uggggggggg.
Oh I forgot to mention the baby Web sites! And the pregnancy countdown things! I would bet some parents create myspace or facebook pages for their babies while the babies are still swimming around in the womb.
I dunno... I would rather the parent create a separate page for the kid and put all the crap up on there so I can ignore it altogether.
I think what you're really saying is that boundary lines are much more blurred than they used to be. And I would agree with that.
You're talking about the blurred line between private thoughts and public disclosure. The increasingly blurred line between business clothes and casual clothes...heck, between work time and personal time! Remember when we were at a family party at 7:30 pm, both sitting at the table with Grandma, WORKING?? How sad was that?? Ugh. The blurred line between meals. Taco Bell advertises a "fourthmeal". There once was a time when breakfast was only served at certain hours. Now it's all the time. Once we could only have strawberries in the summer. Now we complain if the store is out of watermelon in February. It's crazy! Soon, I'm sure, you'll see Cadbury Eggs all year round.
Unfortunately (or fortunately), in a world without boundaries, this means we have to create our own boundaries and exercise self restraint, despite the protests of other people. This is one reason I do not have a cell phone (except my prepaid emergency one). Yes, it is convenient, but I value my time out and want to focus on the people I'm with (who are often themselves talking on cell phones in front of me.).
Yep. I will admit that I'm too hooked on my cell phone (heck, I'm posting this comment from it right now) and have bought into social networking sites, blogging (obviously), et cetera. A lot of what the Internet offers is alluring, such as informative message boards and the opportunity to get back in touch with faraway family and old friends. Still, I like to think there are still some experiences left that are personal and best kept to oneself. For all the times I post status updates, I try to keep them pretty light and wide-audience-friendly. I don't want to put details about what underwear I have on or anything like that. There are just things that most people don't need to know...and if everyone is immediately notified of every single thing, then what meaning does it really have for you after a while?
I'm a big believer in alone time once in a while. At the risk of using cell-phone-esque terminology, it really does recharge the soul. I tend to feel a little bit frazzled without it.
This is, unfortunately, a symptom of a larger disease: the fact that we are willingly and unwittingly giving up our privacy more and more each day. Being a person who is very guarded about my privacy, I am appalled at how often we as a society are photographed and videotaped without our knowing it. And then we do things like Facebook and Twitter and Myspace (and if I may, Blogger - guilty as charged) where we willingly give up our private lives to a life on the Web. 1984 was not just a book - we are living it now.
Hcm, it seems that several facets of this conversation have been perhaps falsely complicated. One is the issue of ways in which pregnancy and parenthood unfold in someone's life. On this point, although I have not commented before, I would have to disagree with some of what has been written here -- having a child is a major life milestone and however much it is cloked in mystery or disdain by external observers, the process of either cannot be simply overlooked as an afterthought. Babies don't simply pop out, and they certainly don't disappear after they're born. It's hard for me to see how someone's "personality" or lifestyle as it may could ever NOT be fundamentally altered by the fact of their existence. That being said, for as much as people are willing to comment and talk about themselves (both online and in person), why wouldn't they also wish to address such a life-changing thing? To characterize having and raising children as strictly mystery or an unhappy intrusion would be missing the countless day-by-day moments, milestones, and frankly hard work that will make up a good portion of a mother's life.
Ok, so they'res that, to the "babies are personality-sucking crap" point.
In terms of the public/private issue, separate from the baby one, I have nothing more to add. Phew! This has been quite a discussion. . .
Hmmm...just a hunch, but I would guess that the first Anonymous and last Anonymous are not the same person...ya think?!
(wondering who last Anonymous is)
And no, I'm not first Anonymous, in case my last comment made it sound that way. But I think I know who is.
Hil,
Courtney makes a good point, but I think there may be something that you're missing as well. We're living in a society where families also don't live in the same neighborhood anymore. We're not all in NT any more.
I feel incredibly blessed to have had my sister's FB updates as she labored. I was thankful for cell phone pics sent to me ASAP. There is no way I could have travelled up to be there with her, as much as I wanted to and cried about it. BUT, having this incredible age of technology has made it great for me to keep in touch with my new niece as she grows.
We all like our privacy to some degree, some more than others. I have a lot of things private but there is much I want to make public too. Things that are easier to share & keep in touch with friends & family by way of internet. I don't have anything to hide as far as throwing up some stories & family pictures.
However, each person gets to make their own decision on these things which is why it is great we live in America. You can wait all 9 months to know the sex of your child. For me, I couldn't wait to know. I'd waited 29 years to know. That's how I saw it.
I think you'd be surprised at how much you want to share when it comes to having a baby in your life. Sharing also serves another purpose - information gathering, which is vital to any new mother.
Cuz
Probably. Hence, my last paragraph. I never fully guaranteed I'm not going to do any of these things. ;)
Something funny, too, people communicate online even when they're not separated by state borders or really much of anything. I've had online chat sessions with Courtney when we were in the same house, with my college roommate when we were in the same dorm. OK, I'm a total dork for having just admitted that. I could see sending cell phone pics or updates to people who are just a few feet outside the hospital room!
I noticed that there are more comments here than posts for the entire year... Now that I have pointed that out, I'll make it worse by adding one more comment. :-p
Eek, you're right. In terms of blogging, 2009 could very well be termed my Year of Slack. I probably blogged more in almost any given week of 2008 than in all of '09 so far.
Well...OK, maybe not week. Let's make that "month." Yeesh, I do need to kick the habit of wild exaggeration.
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